I should have known better

Hilton’s first “song”–age 3

For young (and old) composers, there are no books that really help you understand the process of composing music. I mean that word, “no,” quite literally. There’s not a single book that I know of that really deals with the process.

The books that purport to be about composition are really about music theory, which is the study of the nuts and bolts description of different composers’ music. They are to music composition as a grammar book would be to creative writing. It’s stuff you need to know but it’s definitely stuff to put out of your mind when you’re composing.

Instead of books about composing–since there are none–I’ve found much inspiration and guidance in books about creative writing. There, too, of course, there are books which are more about form than the process, but it seems that some creative writing author/teachers understand well the notion of process.

This post doesn’t really concern the lack of books about the process of composing and it definitely does not concern creative writing. (My only talent, if any, for putting words in a row is simple expository writing such as this blog.) It’s about my hobby: photography.

In middle school, I was in the photography club. I loved all the smells and the darkroom ambiance and the magic of watching a picture come into being in the developing solution (this was way back in Brownie camera days). But, one thing and another and I didn’t keep up with it. Instead I devoted more and more time to music. All my life, I didn’t really have a hobby. Music eclipsed everything.

That was a good thing because it enabled me to have a career in music, something many people would love to have. But now, retired from being a college prof, I’ve had the time to indulge myself in photography, to rediscover the joy of having a hobby! Thankfully, digital photography makes practicing the act a lot less expensive than film days.

(FINALLY…here’s the point of the whole post!) So it was that recently, I asked some friends who are experts in the commercial and academic aspects of Art (note the upper case “A”) for advise about a specific aspect of pictures I’ve taken, what would probably correspond to “voice” in literature or “style” in composition. Well, the answers I got back weren’t answers to my question (except for one gallery owner, whose comments I do appreciate), but were rather dedicated to how bad my photography was. Sort of along the lines of “who do you think you are?”

Well, I pretty much put the camera away for quite a while. Couldn’t even work up the spit to post anything here.

I’m a silent processor; I don’t easily share what’s going through my head with others. But, I finally worked up the courage to discuss what I was experiencing with a good friend and working artist (not an academician) who designs theater and opera sets. I told him what I’d asked the experts and what their answers were. He said, “Hilton, you should have known better!” I don’t know why I hadn’t asked him for an opinion about my photography, but I hadn’t. I guess because he’s not an “authority”–he’s “just” a working artist.

He was absolutely right. I should have known better. Probably the two most lethal fields when it comes to anything creative are the commercial and the academic fields. (And I say that, as a life-long college professor.) “Experts” have probably stifled more creativity than they have ever fostered.

So, I’ve been repairing my enthusiasm for taking pictures and posting them on this blog by composing. I know how composing works. I know that each time you write a piece you have to remember how to compose all over again. Each piece is as hard to write as the first one you ever finished. And, finishing a piece is just the beginning…you have to plunge back in and take it all apart and make it all over again at least once, maybe more than once…it’s as if you don’t know what the first note should have been until you have written the last one.

I’ve also been reading creative writing books again to help in rekindling my creative muse, professionally as a composer and, as an amateur, as a photographer.

One excellent book on creative writing is the old The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. It is 100% process oriented. The author’s advise applies equally to writing, composing, photographing, cooking, embroidering, dancing, singing, and weaving or whatever else is someone’s personal medium of expression.

Right now, I’m reading an even more helpful book, one that is helping me in my composition and photography, immensely. It’s Writing Alone and with Others by Pat Schneider. Here’s a couple sample quotes from it. I think you can see how relevant they are.

“Some critics claim that all truly great works of literature are already recognized. What a cynical and small-minded view of the human spirit! In other times and other cultures, art was made for the family: quilts, hand-carved pieces, lullabies, ballads. The audience of that art was intimate…Writing is making art, and the test of its value cannot be given into the hands of either the commercial world or the academy.”

“[quoting Dorothea Brande] ‘It is well to understand as early as possible in one’s writing life that there is just one contribution which every one of us can make: we can give into the common pool of experience some comprehension of the world as it looks to each of us…If you can tell a story as it can appear only to you of all the people on earth, you will inevitably have a piece of work which is original.’”

“[quoting William Stafford] He said the writer’s job is to abandon his or her work, to allow others to make judgment of its worth, and to go on the the next poem, the next story.”

“If you are to write, you must move out of ‘rented rooms’ in your mind, rooms that you have allowed to belong to someone else.”

“It is more important to ask: Have I gone all the way? Have I told all of the truth that my inner eye sees?”

“…fear had frozen her into a habitual rejection of her own work.”

I should have known better. As a composer, most publishers and almost all my academic colleagues hated my music. But, oddly, the musicians who performed it liked it. Even more important, the people who heard it liked it. Perhaps, most important, I liked it and I definitely enjoyed writing it. So, I should have known better than to worry about what the experts say about anything.

One should just do one’s thing, do it the best one can, keep trying to get better, keep doing it and doing it every day, and trust one’s own judgment more than the judgment of others. And–enjoy the doing of it.

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